


18. reminiscence

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [253]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Character Swap, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 04:25:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10209566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: Helena closes her eyes and it’s there again: Maggie falling to the ground, Beth standing over her, Helena’s sister hissing and taking out a knife and leaping off the fire escape like an angel forgetting. All one motion. All these things the same thing, and Helena not in any of them.





	

“She shot Maggie,” says Helena, picking at a loose thread on Maggie’s couch. The air in here feels just the same as it did before Maggie was dead. Now Maggie is dead. Helena and Sarah are sitting on the couch, and also they are lost. Sarah is licking a spray of blood off of her forearm with the disinterest of a cat.

“She did,” Sarah says. “Maggie is dead.” She doesn’t look away from her arm when she says that, like it doesn’t matter, like it’s just a fact. But she lets Helena lean on her, and when Helena rubs her finger along the blood on Sarah’s forehead to wipe it clean Sarah lets her do that too.

“Maggie,” Helena says, voice aching. That was the wrong thing to say. Sarah reaches up and bends Helena’s finger back so it isn’t touching Sarah’s forehead anymore, just empty space. When Helena whines pain in the pit of her throat Sarah lets her hand go.

“She’s dead now,” Sarah says. “Just us and Tomas.”

“She was supposed to guide us,” Helena whispers.

“We don’t _need_ her,” Sarah says. “We can guide each other. We killed Beth without Maggie telling us to.”

“ _You_ killed Beth.”

“We killed Beth,” Sarah says, more slowly than the first time. “Together.”

Helena closes her eyes and it’s there again: Maggie falling to the ground, Beth standing over her, Helena’s sister hissing and taking out a knife and leaping off the fire escape like an angel forgetting. All one motion. All these things the same thing, and Helena not in any of them.

“You’re better than me,” she says like a bared belly. Sarah loves it when Helena says she’s better, because it means she’s won. Helena loves being better than Sarah too. Someday Helena is going to kill her, and then she’ll have won, and she’ll have proved to Sarah that she loves her best.

“Stop,” Sarah says. Helena opens her eyes and Sarah’s face is too close. She has Bethblood all over the bridge of her nose. Also: freckles.

“She doesn’t matter,” Sarah says. “She didn’t look after us right. _We_ looked after us. We can kill all the copies without her. Stupid dead Maggie. She shouldn’t have let a sheep steer her down an alley, should she?”

“She thought I would,” Helena says, and Sarah puts a hand over her mouth.

“Stop,” she says again. “You’re being stupid. I hate you when you’re being stupid, Helena.”

This is the point when Helena would lick Sarah’s hand to make Sarah say _you’re gross_ and drop it but she doesn’t do that. This is because she’s crying, and it’s so confusing to her that she forgets how to do anything else.

Sarah makes an angry sound in the pit of her throat. “I didn’t mean to,” she says, and hugs Helena. Helena latches on as soon as Sarah’s arms are around her and she sniffles into Sarah’s jacket.

“Remember when she brought us sandwiches,” Sarah says.

“Brought _me_ sandwiches,” Helena says, voice muffled by Sarah’s jacket.

“’cause you stole them.”

“You let me.”

“I didn’t, I was starving. Hadn’t eaten in days.”

“You let me,” Helena says softly. Sarah tugs on her hair, sharp enough to sting. “Shut up,” she says. “I didn’t.”

“She’s dead,” Helena says, and tries: “Good riddance.”

Sarah laughs like a gun going off. “Good riddance,” she says. Bang.

“Beth is dead also,” Helena says. “One more sheep gone. Bye bye sheep.”

“Bye, Beth.”

That’s one more tally mark erased, one day closer to Helena killing Sarah. The last one. She thinks about it all the time, how it would go, the way Sarah will look at her at the end. It will feel just like this, probably, only better. She curls up closer, resting her forehead against Sarah’s throat.

“We’ll always be together,” she says. “Yes?”

“Always,” Sarah says. “Right ‘til the end.”

“Until the end,” Helena repeats. She closes her eyes. She listens to the sound of Sarah breathing in the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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